I find it interesting how he went from a future of looking like Lando Calrissian to this

So how’s that for topical? New trailer, new toys-general human race attention span briefly shining on all things Tony Stark…..Never say we here at 10mfh don’t latch onto the fads of the youth.

Now onto the fun.

The following are MY favorite armors that the bastards has sported in his nearly 50 (!) years. Which, of course, means everyone is liable to call BULLSHIT! To which I say bite me and let’s see your damn list. This goes for my compatriots on this site-I expect to see you lists posted in the following days. Hell, we have to have daily content somehow right?

So alright, onto the show…

10. Modular Armor- Not much to say about this one. Main reason it even remotely ranks is because I came into comics in the early 90's. So in essence, this is my generations Iron Man. It appeared both on the animated series of the time and the Capcom fighting games. It's a cool enough look, dig that it lacks an open mouth and the modular concept was pretty cool. But it's 10 for a reason, it's decent and nostalgia alone gets it on here.

9. Do I really need to explain this one? It's Iron Man! With a NOSE! Oh and roller blades. Fuck me the Silver Age of comics was one batshit time.

8. Iron Man 2020- Proving that the Silver age wasn't the only source of crazy in the comics world. We have this beauty of an eyesore has what amounts to the 'classic look. Except with an angry face.....and shoulder gears. Damn,I don't envy the artist for this one. The armor first popped up in 1984, proving that comics can't tell the future for shit (we only have ten years and I don't see this happening)

7. Heroes Reborn armor - Heroes reborn, Marvel's attempt at making the classic characters 'cool,' by rehiring a bunch of quitters. It's true, the stable of artists Marvel hired for this (Liefield, Lee) QUIT Marvel comics a little over five years prior, man I wish this happened when I quit a job. As it stands this was really the first of the hyper-detailed armors (meaning no goddamn metal spandex!) and seeing as it was drummed up by then and still superstar artist Jim Lee you should expect it to look badass. Which it does, in many ways it's like a preview of what the Iron Man armor would become in the 2000's.....except a little crazier looking.

6. Y2k armor - Really, I should hate this armor. See, never been a fan of his 'classic' look, the metal spandex look I understand it's existence (as it'd likely been a nightmare to draw this way back when and the art wasn't THAT detailed then either) but that doesn't mean I particularly like it. Known by many as the 'Y2K armor' since it was involved with the first memorable story of Stark's in the 21st century- where his suit goes nuts during 1/1/00, gets some AI and then goes all stalker/HAL on Stark. Have to love insane obsessive suits of armor. The look stands out, in that it is very classically styled (especially when you consider that this directly followed the 'Reborn' armor) the suit still has enough going on to make it visually interesting. Especially nice is the LED lighting on the collar and helmet.

5. Mark 2 (film) - I don't think I've said this yet, but I really hate the red and gold look that Stark has cultivated over the years. More of a personal preference I think, not a fan of gold at all really (is there a more gaudy color? The answers is NO) but I accept that it is part of what makes Iron Man...well Iron Man. Wait, no it isn't. As this suit shows. What is really just the standard Iron Man armor but without paint.

4. Silver Centurion armor - another entry in the 'silver is better dammit!' category. I love comics in 80's. Between tearing apart superheroes, more adult stories, they even found the time to actually update their outfits! Sadly this would backfire in the 90's when this happened every other hour, and all it amounted to was the same suit. But in black and with sharp edges everywhere, oh and the ANGRY FACE! (maybe Iron Man 2020 was only off by the date...hmm)

3. Hulkbuster armor - You have to face the Hulk, and it's the 90's. You have a toy line, and dozen's of other 'event' books running about, and you know the writer is a sick bastard and may in fact write the Hulk to be even more absurdly powerful. What do you do? Stage team-up? Different guy wears the suit to be pummeled? Rely on the faith that the newly minted suit you JUST INTRODUCED NOT EVEN A YEAR AGO will be technologically able to withstand it? FUCK, NO. Instead you head out in a suit that looks almost identical to your current suit....if said suit took Bane's Venom formula (how's that for a comic reference?) The results will be both absurd and fuckin AWESOME.

2. 1st appearance armor - After all this and the second is THAT? Yes it is, and I'll tell you why. It's far from the most advanced piece of hardware (it's powered by TRANSISTORS! DAMMIT! EGGPLANT!) but tell me this hunk of rusty assplating just doesn't scream 'COOL.' First and foremost Stark built it in a CAVE all while dying from a hunk of shrapnel in his chest. This suit not only declares itself awesome, but fucking BADASS to boot. Do I even have to mention it's clunky as all hell and looks like something that could actually be built? No I think not. My favorite armor, or it was until they decided to not only bring it back....but make it better.

1. Mark 1 armor (film)- I'm not wasting time repeating myself, see the above to get the gist about my slight man-crush on Stark's first dabbling in the armor market. All that but add on the slight steam punkish vibe this one carries (and steam punk is always cool. Don't argue) This bad boy was a lurching death mountain that might not have lasted long, but kicked ass all the while and managed to take a previously awesome suit and tweak it for modern times. Bravo Hollywood, bout damn time you get something right.

]]> http://www.10mfh.com/columns/kyleuntitled/all-sites-need-a-top-ten-list-so-heres-mine-my-top-ten-ironman-armors/feed/ 1 http://www.10mfh.com/columns/kyleuntitled/dear-fanboys-shut-the-fuck-up/ http://www.10mfh.com/columns/kyleuntitled/dear-fanboys-shut-the-fuck-up/#comments Thu, 11 Feb 2010 03:05:32 +0000 kylethoreau http://www.10mfh.com/columns/kyleuntitled/dear-fanboys-shut-the-fuck-up/ Gonna make this quick as I want to crash for the night, but I feel this needs saying before the energy winds down.

Being that this is the internet you know damn well the place is populated by the legions of fans of countless properties- be it TV, film, comics etc. Now in the myriad of chat rooms and message forums we all see untold amount of opinions. All of which are perfectly fine, we are the fans and we’re all entitled to our opinions. Including the opinion that I’m about to put forth at present.

See like I said, I respect that all of you people have your own thoughts on whatever, but goddamn am I sick and tired of the blind retard level hate I see tossed about online. So here’s what I have to say about it:

SHUT.

THE.

FUCK.

UP.

I fucking get it, you don’t like how so and so writer is handling whatever unimportant character (and they are, in the grand scheme of thing unimportant) and how they are ‘ruining’ it or whatever. Please shut the fuck up. No one cares, and to be fucking honest no one made you read (for sake of argument I’ll just say refer to comics fans from here out but this applies to whole spectrum of fanboys k?) this shit. I’m beyond sick of having to sift through forums trying to find meaningful conversation buried in Miller/Loeb/Liefield/etc. HATE.

Face it, you DON’T have to buy this stuff, and for the life of me I can’t fathom why anyone does. Now I’m not saying I can’t relate- lord knows I’m just as guilty, but here’s the thing, I stopped! You know how many books I buy right now? All together…….Three (maybe)

They are: Atomic Robo (which are a series mini series), Blue Monday- which comes out sporadically at best and Boneyard (now on indefinite hiatus)

oh and I’m on the fence about continuing the Blackest Night crossover so I didn’t list it.

The point is I grew sick of the books, but instead of spending my every spare second online bitching about them to either people who don’t give a fuck what I think, or the angry masses who’ll just parrot my complaints I chose option 3: I simply stopped buying it. I don’t bother, since logic dictates if one does not like something then they would not want to spend their hard earned money on it.

So please shut the fuck up with all your petty over-entitled whining. No one fucking cares and in the end you’re simply giving your respective fandoms a bad name by perpetuating the stupid ass stereotypes you like to think you do not embody.

Fucking cry babies.

Of course this should be a cause for ‘Oh Hell YES’ if the fans actually got her. Instead we’re getting this:

For those of us not following the Bat-titles. Batman is dead and the previous Batgirl has gone and said ‘fuck it’ leaving former Spoiler to be Batgirl. Alright then. Good for her, I guess? While it’s nice to see the character finally getting some wider recognition- I don’t think I’m alone in saying I’d have rather it’d been on her own merit, being that she was one of the few Bat-family members who wasn’t latched onto the core group ( at least originally) via being a replacement of someone. But eh, I’ll give the comic some time. Yes part of getting the Batgirl title is actually getting the Batgirl TITLE. So yay, another comic title.

This of course really has nothing to with my wanting a specific action figure. But who doesn’t love filler?

See, I’m a fan of the girl (since 1993 bitches! Ok, hi…old) and long have wanted a figure of her, and a crappy heroclix doesn’t cut it. She had a cool outfit, one that wasn’t simply Batman with tits mind you, which would make her semi unique on display.

Hell I would’ve even been halfway satisfied with her brief stint as Robin If only because the odds would be greater in favor of the original being released. See, I get it. She’s only being made on account of the new ongoing comic, without that backing her up, alongside taking on the far more marketable name. But this is like releasing Nightwing without ever having made a Robin. At her core she’ll always be Spoiler to people like me, and while like I said the jury is out on her role as Batgirl, I still would’ve liked to have had a figure of good old Spoiler first.

Best I can hope for is that the comic is popular enough that she gets made regardless….

night all

A shame really. Since no kid should be fucking watching Transformers 2.

Before I start, you need to know I did not particularly enjoy part one of the series. But I was willing to give the second a chance. Which is something I soon regretted as it was painfully obvious that Bay and Co. continue to feel that simply because 20-something love the property, it’s alright to set about making ‘American Pie-lite.’ Part 2 is really purile, just about any scene involving non-military humans felt it needed to be as juvenile and just plain rude. What sort of things am I talking about? Multiple lewd comments, drug references (that wouldn’t be funny to people who were stoned at the time) but mainly it was the overwhelming sexual nature that turned me off.

See? I get it, the majority of the fanbase were born in the early to mid-80’s and none of this would really shock ANY of them. BUT here’s the problem. This is a film based on a property, and subsequently marketed to, CHILDREN. I’m far from a prude, but if I was a parent I sure as hell wouldn’t show my kid THIS. Michael Bay and Co. should’ve thought of this when making this film- it’s not just for the kid at heart, but also for these children of the 80’s own children.

On the flipside we have G.I. Joe. Another live action attempt at a beloved toyline/cartoon. I won’t deny being leery when I first heard of it. Only recently had I seen the first Transformers (whom I have the same opinion I have of part 2), and the leaked pics and info didn’t make me feel any better. Here, I felt, would be yet another movie that I wouldn’t show a kid who already has all the toys.

You don’t have to worry guys. The film, while at time ludicrously violent, is truly a live action version of the cartoon. However it’s definitely updated a bit. Cool and serviceable plot, some mild language (nothing you won’t hear after 8 PM on network TV) and little to no sex- ‘cept the Baroness with whom it’s fucking expected. Speaking of violence, don’t worry it’s all rather bloodless and in terms of violence very similar to the Indiana Jones movies.

What’s truly sad is that, of the two of them. I’d have expected Joe-with it’s foot in the ‘real world’ military themes- to be the more objectionable one, for the sake of ‘realism,’ Whereas Transformers, the more kiddie friendly if you ask me, ending up being the least safe for kids.

Shows what I know. My advice? Let em watch G.I. Joe with you there and either completely skip Transformers or at least have the remote handy.

My brother’s friend Amanda hooked me up with the following this evening, totally unexpected by the way, and let me tell you-only a few sips in and whoosh buzz

shall return soon

Heads up people, whether we want one or not and we don’t, sooner than it ever should be we the cineplexes will have new film- The Three Stooges, by whom? The fucking Farrelly Bros.
Shit yourself yet? Hope you had a big fucking meal since we have some more bad news, they’ve already picked the , ugh, ‘new’ stooges:

Sean Penn as Larry Fine
Benicio Del Toro as Moe Howard
Jim Carrey as fucking CURLY!?!?!?!?

You know what? Fuck you Hollywood. FUCK.YOU. I can hang back and deal with the endless sequels and remake upon remake, and indeed I tend to encourage them. But this? This isn’t like remaking Friday the 13th or some other so called ‘classic’ film. This is the fucking STOOGES! You can reimagine the shit out any one of their shorts, toss in modern jokes, colorise it or even play it word for word. You know what? It still won’t be the Stooges. This isn’t like replace Don Adams as Maxwell Smart these guys ARE the stooges. I will give the people tasked with producing this sure to be train wreck point for having balls though. Hell I love the entire idea of pissing of fans but this? I don’t think I or anyone else for that matter can ever stress enough that this is one of those rare properties that simply cannot be reworked or remade.

The final insult to all of this? More than likely the Bros. will be premiering this flick where they’ve premiered all their other movies- at the Stadium Theatre in Woonsocket RI, where I not long ago found myself enjoying a Stooges marathon.

As I leave you, here’s a classic Stooges short: Punch Drunks
(just a warning you to deal with Leslie Nielsen hamming it for the camera at the start of the first vid)

I mean fucking seriously? Today, as I was wiling away the hours at what I like to call my ‘eight hour inconvenience’ (also known as ‘work’) I was bullshiting with a co-worker who shares both my love of comics along with my love of video games. The conversation centered mainly on the Marvel Alliance games and the hopes that later installments will fix up some of the problems the original had (for those of you wondering what exactly was said, meaning no one).After we finished the conversation my mind wandered, as it is prone to do- ask the girlfriend, obviously the subject was comic related games. To save anymore meandering text- I asked myself: ‘Why hasn’t anyone made a GL game yet?’

Seriously, the entire fucking franchise is tailor made for the modern gaming crowd. Let’s look at it: there’s thousands of GL’s in the Green Lantern Corps- so you can easily get away with the ever popular ‘custom character,’ make em human! or some weird alien! You decide! Thinking about it now, GL is really just a superhero/scifi version of other mega popular games such as Fables, Star Wars: Knights of the old Republic, or the juggernaut that is World of Warcraft.

Like I said with the custom look so can you have things like ’skill trees’ as a GL’s power ring capabilities are really no different from the power assortment found in any Fantasy game, and you can simply say that low powered characters are simply ‘rookies’ in the corps. What really do the GL’s do anyway? Fly? Shields? Attack? All of these can be there and later upgraded and customize as the story progresses. Another cool bonus? When rank up from ‘rookie’ to ‘Corp member’ you could unlock ‘customize uniform ‘ option (thus requiring the play of a story mode). After a smart game developer would devise a ‘galaxy’ for game play- which would include multiple planets, but what would really be towns really, for you characters to explore, allow for random space battles when traveling and you have some fun right there.

Let us not forget the online aspect either. We all know how huge online playing is, and tell me wouldn’t it be fucking cool as shit to be able to play alongside other GL’s in a battle against say Sinestro Corps members? Hell, since we have blackest night the expansion pack options are really opened up. Imagine being able to purchase expansions that allowed you to be one of the ‘other’ lanterns that now populate DCU’s galaxy? With whole new powers and costumes styles- well just picture the online battles there.

I could damn near talk your ear off (so to speak) on the matter, since I came up with a great deal more during the work day. But I think you guys get the idea.

Let me tell you something, ever since I was about 12 years old I’ve wanted a damn Green Lantern ring. See about that time DC was doing the mid-90’s overhaul of all their core characters (or to be more precise- ‘any event will work’) and they went and made Hal go batshit crazy and thereby making Kyle Rayner the new GL.

and this is where I come in.

See prior to this i couldn’t have given two shits about the GL title- he honestly looked like a generic comic character (remember I was 12 and had only been in comics for only a little while) so when I got into this I got into this HARD. Maybe it was the whole ‘anyone could be a GL’ element to it that appealed to me, either way I always dreamed of having my own ring. Sadly this was back when crap like that wasn’t so prevelant as it is today, you’d get the odd knick knack, but nothing a 12 year old could get his dirty mitts on let me tell you.

Present day: I’ve since fulfilled my goal of acquiring rings long ago but then those bastards at DC came up with Sinestro Corps and the NEW Lanterns. Suffice it to say I wanted rings from those- my nerdiness will not be denied you know.

Welp, DC Direct comes through….at 200 bucks goddammit. Is it really too hard to release cheaper versions? I’ve heard more than once that people loved the included rings on the earlier GL figure releases- so why not now? When the Blackest Night figure line would be ever so appropriate.

Yes I’m being surly about this, this is my fanboy pit. Deal

night all

Tomorrow Jason stomps his dead ass back into theaters… wait IS he dead in this one? You know I like remakes, or reimaginings… or to be more honest- further cash-ins, but when it comes to a guy like Jason? Shit can get fucking confusing. Quick.

But back to my point. Tomorrow our favorite shit swimmer is back to do what he does best (which is killing, so you know the fucker’s American), so this should be fun. Now what I’m personally curious about is how exactly are they going to put the fucker down in the end. Will it be another amputation like Leatherface? More fucking toxic waste? Long as it isn’t something dumb like his head being cut the fuck off (I want sequels… sue me) I should be alright.

Whatever it is I’m damn sure it will never meet the pure fucking inspired dipshittery/brilliance of Tommy Jarvis’ plot to lay the proverbial smack down on Voorhees as seen in Friday the 13th part 6: Jason Lives. From the get go the plan seemed just a little… under thought? Here we have Tommy: a young twenty something (I’m assuming) of slightly above average build and a penchant for hallucinations and poor choices in pals – looking at you Horshack…..

and what is his brilliant plan? Against a now superhumanly strong (he did snap a dude in half and rip pieces off of people) undead serial killer? This is the same guy who at the beginning of the flick starts out being dead in the ground. Only to have a ressurection worthy of Frankenstein occur, and then have his first undead action involve disemboweling a Sweathog barehanded.

His plan is simple in it’s genius: He’s going to lure Jason out into the lake he first drowned in, toss a chain around his neck and did I mention it’ll be attached to a big fuck off rock? Well it is, you do need anchor you know, and to top it all off he’s gonna set fucking fire to the damn lake. Well it is dark and chilly by the lake at night.

I almost wish I’d been there for the explanation of this plan to the featured ’survivor girl’-

Survivor Girl: Sooo, what’s the plan?
Tommy: Fucking brilliant is what it is! Just you wait and see! You’ll know what I’m talking about!
SG: It’d help if you’d just tell me you know
Tommy: Yeah! Well I’m going to lure him out to the lake…
SG: THAT shouldn’t be hard… not like he’s headed there anyways
Tommy: …then I’ll get him into the lake…
SG: that part better not involve me getting naked… I have a clause in my contract about that.
Tommy: What? No… I’ll be in a boat, and he’ll walk out there see? He doesn’t need to breath now since he’s, y’know …dead.
SG: dead? You sure you’re right in the head?
Tommy: of course, I took the green pills first today, the …episodes only happen when I take the orange first. But seriously, after I get him out there I’ll throw this chain over him, Don’t ask where I got the chain, and the I’ll toss the big ass rock I had you carry to my car earlier into the lake! Thus trapping him underwater.
SG: THAT ROCK? I thought you said he was super strong? I can barely lift a 12 pack and I managed…
Tommy: You’re NOT LISTENING! The water will hold him down! See he died originally by drowning sooo it’ll work again?
SG: not really selling me on this
Tommy: AND I’m gonna set the lake on fire, for ambiance
SG: Whatever, don’t fucking care if it’d piss off daddy, I’m so not fucking you after all this…

…and so forth. However I do have to admire his dedication. Most sane people, and thinking on it now maybe him being batshit crazy might’ve helped here, but most people would say …run? Or just blew him up or tried to burn him. Tommy? Oh fuck no. HE has to go all scooby doo on your ass. Never mind that the rock that was to hold Jason down was relatively light …shit Tommy could pick it up and Jason’s definitely stronger. Shit logic permits that Jason could’ve just pulled himself down the chain and unhooked the rock from it …but yeah no one thought of that. Shit the propeller to the face was just a bonus.

But hey it did work, and you can thank the screenwriter’s and our low expectations for intelligent solutions in a Jason movie for that.

NIGHT ALL, hope you enjoy the new movie.